Introduction to Butch-Femme
Most of us who identify as either butch or femme are constantly told by the
gay community that labels are meaningless. On this site, however we will not
allow arguments dismissing the legitimacy of butch/femme/trans identities. My
partner and I have created this site for butches, femmes and transguys with
the hope of building a community where people can find friends and partners
and where help can be offered to those in the process of self-discovery.
There are many identities within the butch-femme spectrum with frequently overlapping
traits and so even those of us who embrace our ‘femmeness’ or ‘butchness’
often have great difficulty in agreeing on a specific meaning for each label.
I have put together a very brief history of butches and femmes followed by an
explanation of some labels that people use to describe their self-identity.
Although butches and femmes are rarely seen in the modern gay community, it
was considered the norm in the 1950’s for gays to identify as either one
or the other. The liberation efforts for gays and women in the 1980’s
may have contributed to this decline of butch and femme acceptance whilst androgynous
appearances became the norm. This may have been due to the ingrained ideology
of women’s liberation in much of the lesbian community. The gay community
shunned femmes because they did little to disprove the patriarchal view that
femininity meant weakness and shunned butches for being ‘male-identified’.
Butch-femme relationships were scorned for appearing to imitate heterosexual
relationships and so they were pushed underground. However, there are still
many of us out there who are captivated with the butch/femme dance. It is a
dynamic, where two opposites attract, each perfectly balancing out the other
and without sexist oppression.
Before I attempt to clarify some identities I want to point out that it is important
to remember that the labels that follow are only generalisations. Labels are
only helpful in giving others a general idea of how a person identifies and
so we should be careful not to allow our thinking to become too rigid. Everyone
is different and even if you come to the conclusion that this really is who
you are, you will still be different to others who choose the same labels to
describe themselves. We may even recognise parts of ourselves in a few of the
following identities. Sometimes there are no labels that exactly fit what we
are at a particular time, and finally, views can change as people get know themselves
better.
Andro Dyke
Andro dykes are neither distinguishably masculine nor feminine in dress, appearance,
or behaviour and are not usually considered to be a part of the Butch/Femme
community.
Butch
The label ‘butch’ is very broad and covers many
identities, with many variations and with varying degrees of ‘butchness’
within those variations.
Soft butch
Those who self identify as soft butch always identify as female
and wish to be referred to with female pronouns. Soft butches are more butch
than androgenous dykes in the way that they carry themselves (tomboyish). They
may/may not wear men’s clothes, but tend not to dress in a feminine way.
They do not ‘pack’ (wear a ‘cock’ under clothing), do
not take testosterone and do not feel any need for surgery. Others around them
will have probably always known that they were dykes.
Stone Butch
Not all stone butches are alike. Stone butches may/may not identify
as male. Some may wish to be referred to as ‘he/him (or hy/hym) others
will wish to be referred to with female pronouns. Some stone butches are happy
about being female. Others accept that their sex is female without relating
to their body and/or mind in female ways, seeing themselves as being masculine
rather than male.
Stone butches get their ultimate pleasure from giving pleasure to their partner
(sometimes strapping). They are so focussed on (and satisfied by) pleasing their
partner that they don’t want or need to be touched in this way in return…in
fact they may feel violated if they are touched in any feminising way. The intent
behind the touch and the type of touch appear to be the most important factors
in determining whether a stone butch will feel comfortable. Stone butches may
allow some touch, but with specific boundaries that can never be crossed.
Unfortunately stone butches often experience difficulty in coming to terms
with their sexuality because they might feel that something is wrong with them.
They may have even been told by sexual partners that they have emotional problems,
when in fact they don’t. They just experience their pleasure from different
things to those that aren’t stone.
Transgender/Genderqueer
The term ‘transgendered’ can describe the trans
community as a whole. Transgendered may mean a blur of genders. Someone who
is genderqueer views gender as fluid and that gender options are more than just
male or female. Others believe Butch is a gender of it's own.
Transgendered (TG Butch)
TG butches may view themselves as being neither male nor female.
They may challenge the notion that masculinity belongs only to men and question
the binary system of gender. They may simply view themselves as ‘gender
confused’ because of their physical and psychological mismatch or they
may even view themselves as being of a ‘third sex’.
TG butches may have top surgery, but do not usually take hormones. They may
have previously considered trans surgery, but often grow to accept themselves
as they are in later life. Acceptance for who they are is more important than
a need to transition.
FTM (F2M, Female to Male Transexual)
Female to male transsexuals do not change gender at any point.
FTMs often do not define themselves as butch and butches are sometimes more
‘butch’ than FTMs. Although the goal of many FTMs is to become a
man, this is not true for everyone. Again, some FTMs may feel that they are
of a third gender.
The transition usually involves taking male hormones, but does not always involve
bottom surgery. This may be because many female to male transexuals do not feel
that current surgeries are adequate.
Trannydyke
A transgender person attracted to people with a more feminine gender.
Trannyfag
A transgender person attracted to people with a more masculine gender.
Femme
A femme may or may not choose to wear feminine clothes. She may or may not wear
make-up. She may or may not have long hair. Many femmes are dominant, rather
than submissive. It is a mistake to presume that all femmes need a protective
partner (although some do) or to presume that femmes are weak. Femmes are often
the ones who step in to protect their butch (if her preference is for butch)
from homophobic attacks. It also takes courage to walk into a gay bar dressed
femme because of the reactions when she is presumed to be straight woman who
will one day ‘go back’ to being with a man. Most discussions conclude
that femme is an essence or an attitude.
Transensual Femme
A transensual femme partners with a female to male transsexual (FtM). However,
her identity exists apart from her partner.
Stone Femme
A femme who identifies as stone tends to be a femme who partners with a stone
butch. She is someone who respects her partner’s boundaries. Again, her
identity is separate from her partner. This is illustrated by the fact that
she has no desire to touch her partner in a feminising way. She will touch her
partner in other ways and may be far from a ‘pillow princess’. Another
femme may ID as stone because she herself does not like to receive certain touch.
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on this site belongs to the owners of www.butch-femme.co.uk & www.femmes4transmen.co.uk
Last modified
May 21, 2006
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